Childhood is a key stage in psychological and emotional development . Interaction with our parents and all their decisions affect our vision of ourselves and the world. Thus, although many times we are not aware of the damage caused in our early years, certain experiences, such as paternal abandonment, can leave deep traces.
Growing up, many of those who lived through this ordeal can
affirm that the impact on them was slight or that they have already overcome
it. However, it is enough to observe their attitudes, thoughts and behaviors to
see how that abandonment continues to lead from the shadows . In order to
become aware of what is happening, we present the main sequelae that can be
detected in these cases.
Sad child looking out the window
What is parental abandonment?
Before listing the consequences of parental abandonment, it
is important to know what it is. And it is that the absence of a parent who was
never there , for example, in the case of single mothers by choice , cannot be
considered paternal abandonment . Similarly, in a family made up of two fathers
or two mothers, it cannot be said that there is any type of abandonment, even
though there is no figure of the opposite gender.
It has also been shown that growing up in this type of
family does not pose any disadvantage for the child compared to peers who grow
up in hetero-parental families.
So, paternal abandonment occurs when a parent (man or woman)
who, at some point was part of the child's life, stops doing so . But it not
only designates the cases in which the father or mother physically leaves the
child's life, it also refers to the symbolic abandonment that occurs when the
father, despite being there, does not bond emotionally. That is to say, he
neglects the care of the minor, is continuously occupied with other matters and
is, ultimately, absent on an emotional level.
The consequences of parental abandonment
The consequences derived from such abandonment, real or
symbolic, can be serious and affect especially emotionally . Furthermore,
although they usually begin to manifest during childhood, they often persist
into adulthood, perhaps at an unconscious level. They are, mainly, the
following.
Guilt and low self-esteem
Minors often blame themselves for the departure of that
parent who abandoned them. They may feel that they are not valuable enough, since
their father or mother showed no interest in him or in staying with him, but it
may also happen that they think that they did something wrong that triggered
the abandonment.
Thus, they grow up with a huge feeling of guilt and low
self-esteem . If the person who should love me the most in the world chose not
to be by my side, I must be really bad or of little value. A logical thought in
the situation we describe and that can cause damage that is very difficult to
repair.
Inability to bond
In the person who has suffered paternal abandonment, it is
also common for problems to appear emotionally bonding with other people.
The minor's mistrust and suspicion are installed, first of
all, with the parent who does take care of him . In addition, it is possible
that these emotions are extrapolated to other family, friendship or other
relationships, preventing them from developing normally.
Fear of abandonment
This is undoubtedly the main consequence from which the most
important sequels follow. And it is that the child who is abandoned grows with
the fear that the rest of the people around him will abandon him too; It may or
may not happen, but the mere anticipation generates great anguish. A fear that
can make them very submissive and dependent , extremely complacent and not very
assertive .
Girl hugging a stuffed animal
Other consequences of parental abandonment
In addition to the above, it is common for school problems
to occur, both academically and behaviorally. These minors will also have an increased
risk of developing addictions and many other psychological disorders . And,
additionally, they will maintain more rigid attitudes and will experience
difficulties in adapting to the changes that may occur in their life.
If they do not find in the immediate environment the
containment, support and security necessary to process abandonment, it will
continue to weigh on their adult evolution. People reluctant to bond
emotionally, excessively anxious and fearful of losing the affection of others
and with low self-esteem are especially vulnerable to the effects of this
abandonment.
Thus, a psychological therapy aimed at resignifying the experience can be of great help to leave behind the weight or the erroneous learnings of the past, even those that occurred in childhood.
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